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'Unknown artist makes the big time'

Materialist considers business opportunities

'Disclaimer' That this story is printed at has nothing to do with the fact this magazine happens to own a number of the masterpieces of Harry de Chevalle known to the staff here as 'Harry the Horse'.

Below is the 'Horse's' story as related to our roving 'newseye' ...

'Harry the Horse was a painter who's spent his whole life trying to break into the big time and was feeling very depressed. He'd been turned down by every single gallery and museum in the country, and unaccountably no one seemd to recognize his unique genius other than his Mom (of course now we all know better).

Eventually one day Harry decided to top himself and began to dream up an ingenious plan to get back at all the gallerys, museums, schools, kindergarten teachers and rich collectors who rejected him all his life.

Harry de Horse' decided to hire a recording studio and spoke to the engineer, "Record exactly what I say," he instructed the man through pale, tight lips, "then copy it onto 1000 CDs and send them out to all the museums curators and gallery owners on this list." As the Horse handed the engineer a long list the man, greatfull at last of some decent business, gave Harry the thumbs up sign in the hope the artist relized he meant it as a yes sign and not a measuring device as he had read some artists were prone to display as a tool of trade.

Anyway Harry hardly saw the thumb and went into the vocal booth. He shut the door. The red light was on, and Harry began confidently:

"This is a message to all you sycophantic, talentless bastards who've ignored me all these years. I dedicated my life to painting beautiful, emotive, soul-touching pictures, and all you wankers do is bin my portfolios and sign trendy artists like Pollock, Rothko, Picasso and Michael Jackson. Well, I've taken all I can of your puerile, shallow industry, and it's YOU who've driven me to it.
Bye-bye, murderers of Art!!"

With that, 'Harry the Horse' pulled out a gun and sprayed his brains all over the studio wall.

Outside however the sound engineer glanced up and spoke into his internal mic:

"Okay Harry, that's fine for level. Wanna go for a take?"

Though we ackonwledge this is a fairly common end for artists we would like to deny (and wil consider legal action against) any of those foul rumour mongers that we were one of those very publications Harry approached for support and that the only reason we own some of his valuable paintings was that his mother failed to pick them up.

Our only interest here at BLINDEYE is in reporting the facts as we see them... ED